


The Mess I Made

by Lovely_Reira



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Gen, I don't trust my ability to write for Gideon in the slightest, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Non-Consensual Drug Use, so I'm probably just gonna reference him, why have I only written angst for this series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9633461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovely_Reira/pseuds/Lovely_Reira
Summary: You and Spencer had been together for a while now but, he has been different since Tobias Hankel. Cold. Distant. What will you do when you are at your breaking point?





	1. Fight For Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired loosely by the song Mess I Made by Parachute. Great song. Inspired lots of angst.

Chapter One

It had been a while since Y/N had first noticed that someone was wrong with her boyfriend. At first, she let it slide. How could she blame him from being out of it when he had so recently been kidnapped and tortured? So she put up with his snappy remarks, his general distance, his sudden shift in attitude. 

It wasn't like she was the only person Spencer was acting like this towards so she didn't take it too personal at first. The entire team had been at the receiving end of his attitude. Y/N could tell by the look in their eyes when he would made a rude remark that they were equally as worried about the situation as she was. As profilers it was hard for them all to not dive into trying to find the root of his behavior. It didn't have to be said out loud for the team to know that it would only further upset Spencer if he realized his friends were profiling him.

However, as time went on he became more normal with them and less so with her. He was becoming increasingly distant and she couldn't even begin to understand what was going on in his head. Well, to be fair it was usually difficult to tell what kind of thoughts were running through the genius's head but, Y/N was used to at least having an idea on how he was feeling. His eyes had emoted everything he was feeling. Now they were cold and he avoided eye contact with her to the best of his ability. 

Now here she was, sitting in his living room as he completely ignored her existence. It was like as soon as she came over he quickly busied himself with something. 

"Spence, I was thinking that we could go out for dinner tonight. It's been a while since we've gone out just us,"   
She told him. 

Nothing. He just kept typing. If Y/N remembered right, it was something that he had been asked to write for a local newspaper, about geographical profiling.

Y/N tried again to get his attention. 

"Spence? Did you hear me?"

"Hm? Uh sure," he responded. 

"Awesome. Where do you want to go?" 

Spencer looked up. "What?" 

"Where do you want to go...to eat?" 

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment as if trying to recall when she had mentioned such a thing before he looked back at the computer in front of him and kept typing. 

"Rain check. I have to finish this and then I want to turn in early tonight," he told her. 

A small frown appeared on Y/N's face. "You said that they weren't expecting it for at least a couple of days. Besides, knowing you, it'll be done with time to spare. Come on, Spence. The only time we spend together anymore is on cases and even then it's limited," she pleaded.

"We are spending time together now."

Y/N sighed. It was pointless. She didn't know why she had thought it would be any different this time. Any time he did spend with her, he was distant or looking for the quickest way to escape the situation. Y/N had even tried getting him to launch into one of his long winded rants about any particular topic by asking questions she knew he would have the answer to. Instead, he gave her the quick clipped answer. 

"Why are you acting like this?" She asked, her voice low and shaking. 

His expression didn't change in the slightest. "Cause I'm busy."

"No. Not just now. Ever since that case with Tobias Hankel you've been distant and cold. I let it slide up until now cause I can't even imagine how awful it was for you but-," Y/N's voice became filled with emotion as she spoke. 

He seemed to grow agitated at the very mention of the name. "You're right. You can't," he cut her off. "You know, I thought you would be understanding since you say you love me."

Y/N couldn't help but become upset at this. How dare he try to guilt her for feeling hurt. "I have been understanding Spencer. For months nobody has said a word to you. Not me, not the team. We have all been understanding. There is only so much we... that I can handle." 

"So what you are saying is you all have been sick of me for months." 

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it," Y/N scowled as he twisted her words. 

"Do I? Cause I'm pretty sure that's what you said."

'Just stop now. Let him win. Concede. Before the emotions overwhelm you, before you say or do something you regret.' She pleaded with herself, knowing it was no use to argue with him right now. If this conversation continued, everything the two had built was going to fall apart. However the words were already out of her mouth before she could stop them. 

"Spencer I can't take this anymore. I can't take tiptoeing around you so that you don't snap at me or feeling like I'm talking to someone who would rather be anywhere else than with me. Do you know when the last time was that you said you loved me was, Spencer? Four months ago. Do you still love me? Cause I honestly can't tell anymore. I have tried so hard to keep this relationship together but...I can't anymore, Spencer. I just can't. I can't to do it on my own anymore. I can't be the only one trying anymore." Tears were welling in her eyes as she stared at him, waiting for him to say something, anything. 

"Then stop trying if it's so hard for you to be with me." 

Y/N's eyes widened momentarily, hurt shining in them. Why did he have to say that? That wasn't what she wanted. Not at all. She just wanted him to talk to her, to stop giving her the cold shoulder, to tell her what was wrong. Not this. Her heart ached as if someone had just taken a hammer to it.

"Spence..." her voice came out as more of a whimper. 

He looked at her, his eyes narrowed slightly. "If being with me makes you so miserable then just leave. Don't hang in for my sake cause it doesn't make a difference to me whether you are here or not," he looked away from her. 

 

Y/N took a deep breath in order to keep herself from bursting into tears at that moment. "Spencer...if I walk out that door right now then that's it." 

'Please, take the chance. Please.' 

Not a word. 

Every part of her wanted to beg him to fight for her, to give half a damn about her when it really counted. Only pride kept her from doing so. Instead, Y/N walked towards the door and opened it, pausing for only a moment. "I'll see you at work then Dr. Reid. Let's not let this affect our work relationship, alright?" Without waiting for an answer, she left, letting the door swing close behind her and letting the tears flow freely down her face


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Going into the bureau the morning after crying herself to sleep was like walking into the lion's den, filled with lions that could read Y/N better than an open book. 

It had only taken moments for someone to start realizing that something was wrong. 

"Hey there baby doll...woah what's up with that face?" Morgan asked, throwing his arm over her shoulder and pulling Y/N close to his side as they walked. 

"Not sure what you mean, this is just my face."

Morgan looked at her, not planning on letting this go. "Nuh uh. You aren't smiling, you clearly didn't get enough sleep last night."

Y/N sighed softly. "It was just...a rough night, that's all. Let's not talk about it right now," you said, your eyes pleading for him to drop the subject. 

"Alright...you know you can tell me anything though, right?" Morgan asked, his voice a bit softer. 

A small smile crossed her lips. "Yeah I know."

"You look like you need a coffee, the usual?" JJ asked when she saw the two walk in.

"Yes, thank you J," Y/N responded with a grateful smile. 

The blonde poured her a cup and added some sugar before handing it to Y/N. "So why do you look so tired, did our little Reid keep you up all night?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrow suggestively as she sipped at her own drink. 

This prompted Emily to join in. "You know what they say, it's always the nerdy ones who are the biggest freaks in bed!" She mused while walking over to them.

"Ooo here he comes now. I'm sure he'll need some coffee too if Y/N is worn out," JJ teased, her eyes on Spencer as he walked through the doors. 

Y/N broke away from Morgan and walked over to your desk without a word, prompting a confused look from the two woman and a slight frown from Morgan. 

"Do you think they had a fight? Normally she would be ecstatic to see him..." JJ whispered. 

"Maybe...you know it's been a rough couple of months for Reid. He could have snapped at her and said something that really got to her," Morgan suggested. 

Emily glanced over at the male in question. "It seems like Reid isn't in a great state either. His hair is even messier than usual."

The three of them watched Spencer as he made his way to his desk, not looking at anyone the entire time. However, it seemed that he was going out of his way to especially avoid looking at Y/N. 

"I'll try and talk to him when I get the chance," Morgan told the two girls. 

Their attention was taken from the young couple when Hotch called out into the bullspen that there was a case. 

"You'll be briefed on the plane ride over. We meet on the plane in 20." 

-

"Lacey Brooks, Marissa Washington, Kelly James, Janet Adkins, and Andrea Jennings. All dead, killed within the past nine months." 

Hotch laid out the files and pictures of the victims for them all to see. 

Emily was the first to speak up. "The way the bodies were dumped would suggest that the unsub has a distaste towards them. There doesn't seem to be any sign of remorse in the way they are displayed. Any sexual component?"

Hotch shook his head. "No. There were no signs of any kind of sexual assault on the victims." He informed them. "As you can see there was severe bruising and inconsistently broken bones."

"The first victim seems to have suffered the most physical trauma. Four broken ribs, her left arm is nearly shattered, broken toes, fingers, head wounds. It's highly likely she was one the brink of death before he slit her throat." There was a hint of surprise in Y/N's voice. "Considering that usually the first kill is the most subdued and rushed this would normally imply that he has killed before but it seems that the trauma the victims suffered lessen with each kill." 

Morgan was holding one of the files from the second to last victim. "Maybe after the first kill that he gets off less on the torture and more on the act of killing itself?" He suggested. 

"That would line up with the decrease in the cool down time between each victim. After the first victim was found the next victim didn't go missing till about three months later. Then two months, a month and a half, a month, and our most recent at two weeks," Spencer added on. 

"I can't get over how weird it is that the victims are so different. They don't seem to have any connection with one another outside of what you'd expect from a small town." JJ was looking at the oldest of the bunch's file, a forty-nine year old woman by the name of Kelly James. 

Hotch let out a soft grunt of agreement. "That's why this case caught my attention and why the local police have been struggling with the case." 

"Maybe he just isn't picky with the ladies he likes," Morgan said.

"Highly unlikely that his taste would spread over such a vast range." 

Y/N spoke up again. "Unless he hasn't found a type he likes. The unsub could be unsure about which type of victim he likes to kill the most so he is sampling them," she theorized. 

"It's possible but, wouldn't his frustrations at not getting the exact thrill he is looking for cause him to become more violent instead of less?" Emily replied. 

"Or he is becoming less violent and just wanting to get to the main part since there is nothing to the actual torture for him if it's not a certain type." 

Morgan then brought up a good point. "Then wouldn't that make his most violent kill, the one that was closest to his type? If that was the case he would seek out victims similar to that one but, the most similar to the first one is Andrea Jennings and the worst of her injuries was a broken nose. If he does have a type, age and appearance isn't a factor." 

"Do you think that him specifically targeting women is because of his own physical limitations? He could be physically unable to take down a male or just not confident enough to try," JJ told them. "All of the women are on the petite side, after all." 

"I don't think that is the main reason but, size may be a factor in who he targets." Hotch glanced at his watch. They would be arriving soon. "Morgan, I want you and Prentiss to check out the latest crime scene then talk to Andrea's parents, see what they can tell you about the days leading up to their daughter's kidnapping. JJ, you and Y/N will talk to the families of the other victims. Reid, I'm gonna have you connect with Garcia. Have her put together a list of white men in the area, probably mid 30's to late 40's with a record of violence towards women. We will chip away at it as more information pops up," he commanded. 

There was a chorus of affirmations from the group before they all set to going over the files before they landed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed that the characters were written somewhat decently and that this case will be at least somewhat interesting to get the plot moving forward.
> 
> Feel free to send theories as the series progresses. I won't confirm or deny them but, it might be interesting to see what people think :)

**Author's Note:**

> I am still new to writing for Criminal Minds so I apologize for any out of characterness from the characters. Do keep in mind that this does stray away from canon a bit. Not much, but a bit.


End file.
